Column: The secret plan behind India’s low growth

Mar 20 2013, 03:57 IST
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SummaryI was recently at the Imperial, Delhi, and I picked up some astonishing news from the elite members of the Omrah at the Durbar.

A few key people in Delhi have hatched a diabolical solution to Bangladeshi immigrants: make India a less attractive destination

Dear reader,

I was recently at the Imperial, Delhi, and I picked up some astonishing news from the elite members of the Omrah at the Durbar. Believe it or not, there is a “secret plan” brewing in Delhi to resolve the contentious issue of Bangladeshi migrants coming and living in large numbers within the boundaries of our great republic. This secret plan is the reason for the recent heightened Indo-Bangladeshi diplomatic initiatives. This amazing plan will warm the hearts of the students of Assam (who seem to remain students all their lives), the displaced tribals of Kokrajhar, and various Hindutvic types who dislike Bangladeshis, even when they employ them as gardeners, sweepers and so on. The plan is so ultra-secret that it is known only to six persons, all of whom live in Lutyens’ Delhi. I tried very hard to get the details of the plan; but the silence in our capital was deafening. I then decided to do the obvious and clever thing. I used my ultra-secure super-encrypted telephone (which cannot be hacked by RAW, ISI, Assange or clever income tax officers) and called my good friend Miss Moneypenny, who is on Hilary Clinton’s staff. Now it is a truth universally acknowledged that Hilary Clinton knows more about Syria than Syrians do, more about Libya than Libyans do, more about Afghanistan than Afghans do, more about Bananastan than Bananas do and therefore more about our own India than we ordinary mortal Indians do. I asked Moneypenny to find out for me the details of the top secret plan that has been conceived by our great government in Delhi.

Moneypenny got back to me. What she told me filled me with patriotic pride. Verily, we have one of the finest governments in human history! The simplicity, the sheer audacity and brilliance of the six residents of Lutyens’ Delhi took my breath away. Our government has access to a very high order of brain-power in the area of economics. They know that as long as India is more prosperous than Bangladesh and Indian wage rates are higher than wage rates prevailing in Bangladesh, it is simply not possible to stop the inflow of people from our neighbouring country, seeking gainful employment in India. If the mighty US of A cannot keep out Mexican workers,

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